WHY!!!!!!!!!

DEAR GOD MAKE THINGS EASIER FOR ME DON'T MAKE THINGS DIFFICULT. AMIN..

ALLAH IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME.

ALLAH IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME.

blood should be thicker than water

In time like this, I wish I have a more supportive family. For God sake, sis !! We got no one. We only got each other. Don't do this to me. Please don't... I had enough with THEM.. please..

sadness..

"It's sad when people you know become people you knew. When you can walk past someone like they have never been part of your life, how you used to be able to talk for hours how, now you can barely even look at them"

im drained

I'm drained of being sad all days.
But do you ever understand how does it feels committing a mistake that cost you forever ? Like the due that you have to pay for a full life ? It's hurt. seriously hurt. f*****g hurt. Do you have an unspeakable secret and an irreversible regret ? You dont know what to do. You dont know where to go. You got no one to trust. You carry it all by yourself. You try to be happy because you too want to be happy. But they dont know how much pain and tears a single smile and laugh hides. People dont know. Hidden from sight are the crack and line that go to the foundation of the soul..

back for good

QUOTE FROM THE KITE RUNNER KHALED HOSSEINI
'THERE IS A WAY TO BE GOOD AGAIN'
There're always ways to be good again.Maktub.God creates us with fitrah.The small part inside us that always screaming and echoeing everytime we do something evil, something which is against the fitrah.Our personal calling as God first created us.Once I hate those people who had hurt me.Those people who gave me shit.The people whom l loved and trusted with all my heart but they betrayed me.Those were the moments you felt liked they were unforgiven and you thought you're gonna hate them for the rest of your life. They deserved that for all the sufferings they caused you and secretly you prayed that they would suffer as much as you do.
And then you realized that what you did is wrong. Hates and grudges won't take you anywhere. They only make you weaker and weaker each day. They'll lead you to unhappiness. Life is too short..why choose to be unhappy? So decide :

FORGIVE AND FORGET.IF YOU NO LONGER TRUST THEM DON'T HATE THEM. JUST DON'T GET TOO CLOSE.I START BUILDING BOUNDARIES. A CIRCLE AROUND ME THAT THEY CAN NO LONGER ENTER. BECAUSE I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO BE BETRAYED FOR THE SECOND TIME....

dreams

Deep down I know I can forget the past
I can forgive
Because holding grudge and hating is just not me
But I need something to keep me moving forward
So I build dreams
Knowing that Allah will always be there
helping me pursuing my dreams
Some dreams I hope and I truly believe and I know I can realize
In no time
But there is one dream that I hope and I truly believe but I don't even know
The time
But I will pray and pray with all my heart for the rest of my life
Because only those dreams and that one dream
Makes me move forward
The rest live it to HIM
I obey I submit only to YOU
Everything has been written by HIM
Is moving in HIS accordance
Breathe of life,love,everything
MAKTUB..

get even

I did a very bad thing. I just can't help it. Sorry. I just wanna know my part. My right. So I took someone's right to get to my right. It seems fair..The truth that I have the right to know. There's no other way. Now, knowing the truth, I feel so very stupid. How I can easily be someone's prey ? So naive of me. Bad talks about him are everywhere. But me trying to be angel, trusted him with all my heart. He wanna be good. Change for good. He needs my help. I can't simply leave someone when he begged me to guide him to support him. And what did I get for that ? He gave me shit. How could he do this ? How could you ? How could someone be so mean ? Gave me hope and then crashed it. I let you in but you stabbed me. You left me just like that..awak lupa satu perkara hidup macam roda. Jangan berlagak sangat.

hectic

Still at the office.

Probably until 12 tonite.

Good.

The perks :

I am busy.

My task is done.

I am happy.

I am occupy.

Meaning I can be free (from thinking of it again)

At least until this midnite...

get busy get busy

The pain is unbearable.

I must keep busy.

Must keep busy.

Allah helps me.

I'm still waiting for D news....

past present

People say don't live in the past and don't worry too much about the future if you want happiness in your life.
Can people really do that ?
Because I can't. No matter how hard I try. It keeps coming back to me. I guess I am not strong enough. I'm weak. But giving up is not in my dictionary. I will always try and try and try and pray and pray because I wanna be happy like everyone else. I do fail. In fact I always fail. There were days I wept hysterically and until today I still do that just to let it all out. I wanna be happy. I really want to forget. I dont wanna hate people even those who had gave me shit. I don't wanna hold grudge. It's eating me up. I wanna be happy. I wanna be free. I pray. Allah help me !

a very shocking discovery

Today mark the day that I've never ever been thinking of would ever happened to me. Someone just woke me up after nearly two years me living in a dream or I would rather called it hell now. It was not a life at all. It was a torture. A world full of deceit,humiliation....
I wonder how can someone lives in that world for 28 + 4 years...she must have a heart of wood. A wooden heart.
Thanks akak for sharing this with me.
A real lesson in life.

tua kutuk tak sedar diri!!!!!!pegi mampos!!!!!!!!!!!

my list

1. Allah
2. Prophet Muhammad SAW
3. Family
4. The kiddos

*men and friends ?

nothing intimate.

only casuals.

not now.

i let them in.

they stabbed me.

it hurt.

soul hurt.

saya sangat boring

dah ade blog sendiri malas pulak nak menulis

peace

macam tak caye
finally my own blog....